Truncating Sub Optimal DBA Verbal Responses Vectors

3 April 5:30PM - 8:20PM @ Community Networking Welcome Reception

Experience level: 
Lightning talks
'Truncating Sub Optimal DBA Verbal Responses Vectors' or 'things a DBA should not say' is a guide to help DBAs squelch their first 'gut' response to common user inquiries. For instance a coworker may initiate a dialog with a simple simple statement to ascertain or test knowledge such as 'Is the database up?' wherein they are attempting to understand the operational readiness of the RDMS system. Many DBAs are often shocked to find that proper responses do not include directives for solo sexual practices, questioning of birth legitimacy, inquiries about cranial/rectal interfacing, or end with "That's what she said!" The goal is this talk is career longevity for DBAs who may not have understood that threatening mass castration with Kuerig coffee maker may lead to violence, litigation, or job termination. Attendees will learn to quell there initial response and reply with appropriate corporate message meme - Business Utility Linguistic Leverage Shared Hierarchical Interactive Tattling (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T) -- that may sound drastically different but mean the exact same thing but encoded in a business professional message. Mastery of this technique can not only ensure long time employment but provide a creative outlook with a sadistic flavor that would make Machiavelli blush!


MySQL Community Manager, Oracle
Dave Stokes is a MySQL Community Manager for Oracle and previously was the MySQL Certification Manager for MySQL AB.